Fifty Shades Of You’ve Got To Be Kidding!

Okay, so I read the books and let’s face it, they’re porn, so saying you read it for the love story is like dudes saying they “read” Playboy for the articles.  That being said, I have to admit I got addicted to Mr. Grey and his antics although I had trouble figuring out the logistics of some of the . . . um . . .  aerobics being performed.  By the time I got to the last book, I had to start skipping the . . . um . . . colorful parts ‘cuz I just couldn’t take it anymore!  I mean seriously! Who has that much stamina? And Ana never eats!  If you’re going to write fantasy, at least let your heroine eat as much as she wants without body enlarging consequences!  Besides, who has that much time to devote to . . . um . . . extracurricular activities? I don’t know about you but I have shows to watch, floors to clean, things to do and places to go.  And I don’t care how cute and buff your obsession is, he is going to get on your nerves. It’s inevitable. ‘Cuz he’s a dude. He’s gonna leave the seat up.  He’s not going to empty the dishwasher.  His underwear that seemed so sexy is going to be in a pile in the corner of the bathroom.  And his constant need to know everything you’re doing every minute of the day will get old pretty darn fast.

EL James (on a side note, why did she use her initials? Was she trying to hide her gender and if so, to what end?) did hit a nerve though and I think it’s the nerve that says, “I want a man to take care of me”.  Because let’s face it ladies, who really has that?  (We all love our men yadda yadda and no offense to you men out there, but we’re still the caretakers in this world.)  The sex stuff is titillating and all but this is the REAL fantasy:  You come home from work and the house is clean!  Dinner is on the table and you don’t have to clean up!  You get to plop down on the sofa and watch whatever you want on the TV!  You get a foot rub and after dinner treats brought to you without even asking for them!  No one asks you to “fix” anything.  No one bothers you with stupid stuff!  You can burp and fart and no one cares!

So what are the chances that anyone would write a story like that let alone publish it . . . Sigh. . .  No way that’s happening ‘cuz this is the real world and no one would believe that fantasy.


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