So I got back from Vegas on Thursday afternoon and I’ve finally recovered enough to regale you with my exploits . . . Don’t get too excited, they weren’t that exploitive! Notice how I said Vegas instead of Las Vegas? Like it’s cooler to say Vegas without the Las. Like now I’m an insider privy to all sorts of secrets. Like I’m a wannabe dork that real Las Vegans laugh at. Oh well, they need their fun too.
The first thing I noticed upon exiting the shuttle bus and entering the Golden Nugget Hotel and Casino was the absence of the perpetual ting, ting of the slot machines. Truthfully, it was a mind numbing noise a bit like an audio strobe light but it defined Sin City in a way nothing else did. You see, you can’t put actual coins in the slot machines anymore and they pay you in tickets. No more musical clanging of coins dropping in your bucket. Sometimes technology is a buzz kill.
The other thing I noticed is that aside from the dude at the check-in desk, everyone was remarkably friendly and helpful, a pleasant surprise as I remembered everyone being crankier the last time I was there. Of course, the economy is not what it was so competition for tourist dollars is fierce. But you just have to remember that no matter what these friendlies say, nothing, I repeat, NOTHING is free in Vegas. If you go there, don’t get suckered. Like me. Well, I only got a little suckered by a dude handing out his “free” CD on the strip but of course, he wanted a “donation” of which I gave him two dollars which I’m sure was a lot less than he wanted but I’m not that gullible. I’m not entirely convinced there is anything on this CD and I’m a bit afraid to check.
Here’s a synopsis of what me and my two Besties did:
- Fremont Street Experience: A street with shops and bars and casinos covered with a giant dome-like contraption that has laser light shows at night. Very cool. Bought some socks. Which doesn’t sound that cool but they say “I’m too sexy to be 50. . .” I’ll leave it to others to decide if that’s true . . .
- Heart Attack Grill: Walked past this on our way to the bus stop to the Strip. Customers wear hospital gowns. Menu consists of Single to Quadruple Bypass Burgers, Butterfat Shakes and Lucky Strikes. We didn’t eat there. Not that daring. . .
- The Bus: It was cheap. It was not fast. Took an hour to get the Strip. Met some people from Minot, ND which doesn’t seem relevant but is just a hop, skip and a couple of jumps from my Minnesota home. You can’t go anywhere without running into us Midwesterners.
- The Strip: Not as crowded as I remembered but it’s February. Hit the cheesy souvenir shops. Bought souvenirs. Had a smoothie at McDonalds. Doesn’t sound that exciting but it was 70 degrees which was an increase of 80 degrees from home.
- Gold and Silver Pawn: That’s the Pawn Stars show pawn shop. Didn’t see the celebs but got my picture taken with Andy, the guard/bouncer/worker dude who said he’s been in 24 episodes (?) but he was nice and I promised I’d give him a shout out.
- Tournament of Kings: A jousting/sword fighting/knights of the round table dinner theater show at the Excalibur Hotel. We were seated in the King of Norway’s section and rooted for our guy. He didn’t win . . . but he was nice to look at.
- Menopause the Musical: Most hilarious show about menopause I’ve ever seen! Well, the only show about menopause I’ve ever seen. They took songs from the 60’s, 70’s, and 80’s and redid the lyrics so all the songs were about, yep you guessed it, menopause. Laughed so hard I almost peed my pants, which coincidentally, they sang about quite frequently.
- Gambling: Okay, I know I said I was going to try the Roulette wheel but after watching for quite some time, I realized I didn’t feel like lining the pockets of the casino owners any more than necessary. Not that my measly twenty bucks mattered to them but it bought me a watch and a really cool scarf! I did feed the slot machine fifteen hard earned dollars and I actually “made” ten which means I only flushed five hard earned dollars down the toilet.
Okay, this post is getting way too long and I’m sorry if your eyes are drying out from all this reading. I am also sorry that I didn’t have a big, scary, adventuresome tale to end with but come on, what did you expect from a trio of fifty-year-old women?
Besides, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas and I’m sure not going to spill the beans here . . .