So yesterday I got a letter from Verizon Wireless America’s Choice II Litigation.  Apparently, I was part of a class action suit against Verizon Wireless and we won!  Guess what us claimants received?  Forty minutes of free long distance . . .

Sigh. . .

I’m not an expert on cell phone plans but I’m pretty sure they all include free long distance which means we poor, suffering victims got the shaft.   This doesn’t bother me that much since I didn’t even know I was involved in this Historic Struggle For Social Justice but it does bother me that the lawyers tussling in this Historic Struggle For Social Justice got six million dollars!  Well, to be fair, they did spend five and half years on this Historic Struggle For Social Justice which translates into thousands of palpitation-inducing billable hours for said activists.  Plus, I’m sure the blood, sweat and tears expended on this Historic Struggle For Social Justice will add to those advocates’ street cred in the world of momentous jurisprudence.  Like those heroes who fought for civil rights and the warnings on hot coffee cups alerting unsuspecting consumers that the hot coffee they just bought is, in fact, hot, they will be lauded as legends in the annuls of litigation lions.

Apparently, a long time ago, Verizon “mistakenly” charged some of its customers roaming charges ―who even knows what those are anymore!  Granted, that was wrong and bad and just another example of corporate greediness but wouldn’t it have made more sense to just refund said customers the overcharges made to their accounts?  Forty minutes of free long distance is worthless.  I’d rather have gotten a check in the mail.  ‘Course, nowadays forty minutes of long distance calling translates into two bucks but hey, I could almost buy a cup of scalding hot coffee with (thanks to those lawyer heroes) no fear of actually scalding myself.  Then again, my bifocals haven’t been working so good lately and I might not see the Hazardous Contents warning on my cup and whoo hoo! I could start my own class action suit against the parties responsible for my bad eyesight . . .

. . . On second thought, God probably has the best lawyers in town . . .


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