EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT . . . GOD (Part 2)

So in case you missed Part 1 here’s a recap (or better yet, scroll down a bit and read it for yourself). I got a bright idea in the middle of the night to write a section called Everything You Need To Know About . . . and decided God would be a good subject to start with. As per my previous post, I am not an expert in anything theological and don’t claim to be. I just claim to be a child of God, like the rest of us, and after fifty years on the planet have mused on the subject quite a bit and have a few thoughts.

Number one on the list was God Loves You Forever, which seems pretty self-explanatory but for some reason a lot of us can’t quite grasp the ramifications of this which is, God loves us No Matter What. No matter what means, there is nothing we can say, think, or do that will make God not love us. Wrap your head around that . . .

Okay, on to number two on the list:

2. GOD HAS A GREAT SENSE OF HUMOR. Or more accurately, a twisted sense of humor. I offer the following as evidence:

A. Weird smelling food― Durian (a fruit) that is illegal to bring onto public transportation in some Southeast Asian countries because it smells so bad. Lutefisk (white fish soaked in lye) that destroys sterling silver on contact. Limburger (a cheese), that is made from the same bacteria that causes human body odor. There are many more but you get the gist. I can just picture God going, “Let’s see if they will eat this. . .” like we are all Mikey in some cosmic Life Cereal commercial.

B. The whole digestive/waste disposal system ― Let’s talk intestinal gas, otherwise known as farts, an alarmingly descriptive word, and it boggles the mind that at some point in human history, someone sat around going “Mmm, what should we call this . . .”. It just seems that God could have figured out a better way but I guess He just likes seeing us vulnerable and helpless while sitting on the pot doing our business.

C. The platypus ― A mammal with a beaver tail, otter feet, a giant duck-like bill that lays eggs. The male has a spur on its hind foot that delivers a painful venom, probably to all the other animals that dare to laugh at it. I guess God had a bunch of spare parts left over and just threw them together in a Picasso-like frenzy hoping for the best.

D. Sex― What was God’s thought process here? He’s sitting around going, “Mmm, how to propagate the species? I could make a tubey thing for the chicks and a pokey thing for the dudes and whoa, that’s kinda weird but let’s give it a whirl.” And can you imagine that first Birds ‘n Bee’s conversation with Adam and Eve. . . “You want us to put what in where?!?”

E. We are still here ― What with all our shenanigans, God has to have a monumental sense of humor or else He’d have rained lightning bolts down on us eons ago.

I think God is kicking back in his Lazyboy with an unending bowl of microwave popcorn just enjoying the show and patiently waiting for us to finally say, “Oh God! I get it. . . . that’s a good one, God. . .”

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