(**) KEEPING MY TRAP SHUT . . .

So it’s taken 51 years but I’m slowly coming to the realization that I do not know everything. And even more illuminating, no one really cares to hear me wax poetic about the little wisdom I do possess. I thought I had an obligation to point out to others the error of their ways as I was sure I knew what life is and should be about. What I’m finally learning is that the IS part isn’t the problem. It’s the SHOULD part.

We all know what our lives are like (that’s the IS part) as every day we get up, get dressed and, well, live our lives. Trouble abounds because everyone and their grandma has an opinion about how everyone SHOULD live their lives. Let me clarify― everyone ELSE. We think we know what other people’s lives are like through observation, interaction and, unfortunately, reality TV and let’s face it, we relish hanging around the water cooler/bar/coffee shop trash talking people’s dubious life choices/ style/ behavior/ activities/ drinking habits/ and hair color.

We all know how to fix our kids/ friends/ neighbors/ the jerk who cut us off with his stupid, gas-guzzling SUV/ and all those foreigners, deadbeats, radicals and relatives. If they would just LISTEN to me, er I mean, us, the world would spin around a lot better and my, er I mean, our, lives would be so much easier as we, and more importantly, I, wouldn’t have to constantly be thinking about how you’re living your life WRONG and how can I make you CHANGE!

Quite frankly, I’m exhausted trying to keep up with the Kardashians and why do I even care that they named their kid North? Or that George Clooney still hasn’t found the right one? Or that your God has a different name than mine? Or that you think that you are actually right? At the end of the day, it’s no skin off my nose how you live your life. (Obvious Disclaimer: As long as your life doesn’t interfere with my life and vice versa blah, blah, blah.) You may THINK I’m not getting into The New York Yacht Club (no one’s getting in there), or Disney’s Club 33 (14 year waiting list), or a women’s rest room at any sporting event (no explanation needed), or heaven (don’t even get me started), but I KNOW plenty about you, too. Unfortunately, the chances of us changing each other’s minds are as slim as winning the lottery and there is no way of knowing for sure who is right until we’re dead at which point one of us will be vindicated (and by one of us, I mean me).

Of course, I am well aware that this whole blog post is one, big hypocritical mess as I’ve used all these words trying to tell YOU what you SHOULD be doing. I apologize profusely but deep down I still believe that if I just talk loud enough and long enough eventually I will wear you down and you WILL come around to my way of thinking because you are so totally WRONG!

Sorry. There really needs to be some sort of program for us recovering Know-It-All’s. At least I have discovered the first step in the long, long road to redemption and I will happily share it with you knowing full well that you are free to embrace or discard it as you see fit. I call it The Golden Rule 2.1 and I know if we all follow it, we can change the world! (Sorry, there I go again.)

In closing, I just want to say I will try really, really, really hard to take my own advice (Golden Rule 2.1– see ** above) . . . ‘cuz I know I’m right . . .

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